Can someone who is really good at english help me!?!? PLEASE?

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meh

i just finnish writing an essay, it is due tomorrow and i need someone who can help me edit. i think my essays fine but i know there is something wrong with it, it is a compare and contrast essay, can you help me edit any thing that needs to be edited.
you can change the sentence's around, or change my word choice, anything that would make it better.

This essay is about comparing two cultures, forget about the Alpha and Beta thing, they are just two made up cultures that my teacher made me study about.

Sorry, i dont know how to put a doc. on yahoo answers so i just copy and paste it, you can just copy and paste it on a microsoft word, edit and email it to me.
( lisa_says_hi_17@yahoo.com) my email
thanks if you helped

Cultural Differences
After experiencing the cultures, Alpha and Beta, I realized how different cultures can be. One culture could be almost the same as another, or totally the opposite. This also got me thinking about the different countries I have visited, my experiences that also lead me to learning their diverse cultures, and being able to compare them to each other.
The two cultures I am going to compare are China and Germany. The biggest and most obvious cultural difference I found between these two Countries is the festivals or holidays they celebrate. The biggest and most important festival in China is known all around the world. It is the Chinese New Year. For the six years I have been in China, each New Year is better than the last one. We eat dumplings, the famous hong shao pork, drink beer and vodka, and for our family, there is a cake added to because it is my birthday. We watch CCTV 1 for the yearly New Year show, we wear new clothe, new shoes, get gifts, waiting to welcome the New Year. People visit strangers to greet each other Happy New Year. On the other hand, to me, the most famous holiday in Germany would be the Oktoberfest, which is also known as the beer festival. Like the New years, this holiday has become famous around the world. Similar to The New Years, people stuff themselves with food, mostly meat and alcohol, but unlike the New Years, they drink large amounts of beer. People in Germany usually eat and drink outside of home on the holiday, but in China, it is a symbol of a lack of respect. At 12:00, the tapping of the first keg of beer begins; everybody starts to consume large amounts of beer, many younger people who overestimate their ability to handle large amounts of alcohol, past out due to drunkenness.
Talking about the Oktoberfest, I have already noticed another big cultural difference compared to China. But this time it is something in everyday life. The thing I noticed was what they were drinking. When I was in fifth grade, me and my family went on a vacation to Germany. The afternoon we got there, we were hungry, so we walked into a local restaurant for a late lunch. It was packed with people, but a lot of them weren’t eating; they were in groups, drinking beer out of large glass cups. Each glass of beer looked so big, I had no idea how they could drink glasses and glasses of them with out going to the bathroom every five minutes. We ordered some German cuisines, when they were eating, I couldn’t take my eyes of the people who where drinking. I watched a person, glass of beer was half gone for each swallow he takes, and just watching him drink made me full. The Chinese never drink like they do, they usually just drink a few bottles at max. On the other hand, the Chinese don’t like drinking beer as much as the Germans. The Chinese like Vodka, lots of vodka, the higher the level of alcohol, the better it is. My dad sends vodka as a gift to others; it is a sign of respect and friendship. My dad’s brother can drink bottles of vodka with out getting drunk. When we go eat with my dad’s friends, bosses, and relatives, all the adults drink vodka.
The final main cultural difference I found between these two countries is the manners they have. In Germany, you could sit where ever you want in on a table in a restaurant. But in China, the elders or the most successful must sit on the top middle part of the table, or the furthest seat from the door in a restaurant. Germans don’t like it to be very loud when they are eating, but the Chinese think the louder, the better, because it means you show more respect, and that you are having a good time. The people in Germany like smiling and saying hi to people they don’t know, but if you do that in China, They would think you are weird and have mental problems.
These are the three main cultural differences I see between Germany and China. I can see the differences from my experience, and learning from everyday life. The learning of the Alpha and Beta culture made me be aware of the cultures around me, they made me think of what to do and what not to do around the Culture I live in.

Thanks again

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My admissions will get revoked and my life is over...?

B

I had a borderline grade in a class that I made very stupid mistakes in, and as a result my already low grade dropped to a D+ after the final and my teacher understandably does not want to help me bump it. Because of this my admissions to a UC (requirement of a B average GPA with no grade lower than a C) will probably be revoked after I send in my end of the year transcripts. It was a big fat mess with many people involved and I am devastated and have never regretted anything more, but I'm not going to explain my situation about the grades because I feel like I deserved it and it would be much too complicated for a YA question.

I'm planning to go to a CC for two years and then transfer to a UC or private school like many of my friends. The problem is that the two community colleges in my area (small town) are impacted because I did not expect this coming and I neglected to register. If I can't get in, I'll have to look at other cities in California, but I was thinking of moving to New York City to get closer to some prospective schools/career shadowing opportunities that are only available there. I'll be getting my first job this summer and already have a few thousand dollars saved up in the bank from almost 18 years of birthday presents, X-mas gifts, etc. Will that be enough for one semester of CC while I work and save up money to pay for the rest? How much will living expenses/apartment/books/etc. cost? My parents aren't helping out and I will apply for financial aid/scholarships as an independent next semester. I am willing to live in cheaper neighborhoods and boroughs if need be and commute through the subway. Will I still be able to apply/register for classes this late?

I know I dug myself in a deep hole and that it's all my fault, but I'm just in shock right now. I want to start a better life for myself and I have a lot of high goals (a career in finance) but it's so demoralizing that I threw everything away and have to go to a CC when I know I can do better. I'm so ashamed that I can't bear thinking of ever visiting my cousins/extended family (who go to Ivy Leagues and top UCs). I have never felt so low in my life. All my friends, teachers, etc. knew that I got into Cal and now I have to back out. It's so embarrassing and uncomfortable telling my friends that I'm not going because they know it's because I was having trouble in school and not for financial reasons (I was a straight-A student for two years, CSF and other honors). I've had a lot of family problems/depression and long story short, I have never been more glad to graduate and never see them again. Anyone else experience something similar? How did you pick yourself up again? :(

Answer
You should perhaps explain your situation to the UC campus and see if you can salvage your acceptance. If your acceptance is revoked, you can still appeal if you have a legitimate problem that caused the D.

If you intend to attend one of the UCs, then moving out of state is not a good idea. If you are primarily interested in private/out-of-state colleges, then go explore. You'd be surprised how long you can live on ramen when required.

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