Saturday, May 4, 2013

Divorce Him Or Deal With It and if So How?

Q. My husband changes and becomes asshole every time he talks to his daughter and his ex wife. His ex wife uses the daughter as meal ticket to get money and never buy’s her clothes or anything. Also, she never lets my husband talk to his daughter unless he gives her money, so my husband pays her off to be able to talk to his daughter. I told to take her to court but my husband is too lazy. I went on business trip for 2weeks so she called him for money. He gave send her money which is fine by me. However, my mom send a gift certificate for our 4 year old for his birthday in the amount of 1K my husband calls me today to tell me that he sent my son’s birthday gift to his daughter. Off course I got mad and he doesn’t see why should I be mad. Saying that his daughter is disadvantage kid ‘cause her mom don’t work and don’t make much unlike me where I make about twice as much as my husband and he feels bad for her. Is not my fault his ex decided not to work. I mean is enough that he sends most of his paycheck to his ex but on top of that he is sending my child gifts from my mom to her too. So I went and signed a deed form for my son to have my house which is on my name and transferred all the cash in saving in trust fund for my son ‘cause husband is going crazy. Now he is mad at me and won’t speak to me. His daughter is 14 years old. Married 4 years Husband 35 I’m 25. I love my husband but don't want live the rest of my life like this. What should I Do?

A. You have every right to be upset that he gave your son's gift to his daughter. But how does being upset help you deal with the problem? It doesn't. You do need to resolve this issue or it will end up destroying the marriage.

Assuming that divorce is your last option, you need to reach an agreement with your husband about what is available to him to give to his daughter and what is not. I suggest you draw very clear boundaries, set rules, draw the line on what belongs to him and what does not. Let your husband know what will happen if he does not respect boundaries/follow rules. Be clear and make good on any consequences you set out, i.e. don't say you will leave if you are not absolutely prepared to do it.

Simply put: say what you mean and mean what you say.

You may consider a written agreement that you ask him to sign but in order for it to be legally binding, you may need to consult a lawyer. This is probably a good idea in any event. You need to know what you would be in for financially should you leave him. You may be unpleasantly surprised to find out you will owe him spousal support or that he will be entitled to a big chunk of your assets or both. Do your homework before you take steps that are difficult to backtrack on.

If you choose to stay, the most important thing will be to make him understand that he has a responsibility to you/your marriage and your son/family that is at least equal to his responsibility to his daughter. The fact that the daughter is less privileged is not your responsibility nor your son's but understanding that he carries a lot of guilt about this may help you see what drives his choices and behavior. Point out that the choices he is making in a desperate attempt to look good to his daughter and keep her in his life are making him look bad to you and your son and driving you away. Ask him if this is a trade-off that he is prepared to live with. But ask calmly, with compassion and then maybe you can work on a solution that preserves precious relationships rather than damaging and destroying them.

Maybe you could work out a regular amount that you can both live with that will go to the daughter, then he can feel he is doing right by her and you no longer get nasty surprises. This is only one possible solution - there are many if you are willing to negotiate and compromise rather than see it as a war.

Look at it like a financial problem - maybe that is all it is. Is your husband a jerk about everything or just this issue? Answer this question for yourself and maybe all the answers begin to come clear.


My wife is 35 and it is her birthday.?
Q. She adores balloons more than anything, are we too old to get balloons at 35? I know she loves them and cup cakes and I want to fill the house with balloons and cup cakes for her. Am I being too immature? Would any ladies out there 35 like receiving balloons on their birthday still?

Should I get Helium balloons or the kind that you pop and there is a gift inside? I know she has never popped a balloon in her life and actually hates it but I was wanting to do something a little different this year.

Any advice ladies would be appreciated, Thank you so much...

A. This is a great question! I have worked in the floral, balloon, etc industry forever. I can tell you that if you know that she likes balloons and cupcakes etc...she would be totally stoked if you did what said in your question. That is a totally awesome idea. I bet she will cry. ;P :) There are some girls/ladies that may tell you its immature (but only because you asked lol) but i guarantee they havent had that done for them, and would so love it if someone really did. Women love that stuff, bottom line....also, 1800 flowers has a cupcake that is made out of flowers, you can order on line, thats pretty cool too. You are a great husband! But, if she hasnt popped one, or doesnt like the sound of balloons popping (and who does i guess) dont even go there, it will probably just scare her or make her nervous...I have seen some cool things done like a big box....fill it with balloons and when she opens it they come out....(if you are trying to be a little unique...) i could give you a few more ideas if you dont like those, but just some food for thought. Thumbs up! :D


Is this a good birthday present idea for my boyfriend?
Q. We have been dating for 5 months and my birthday is this week and his is next week and he turns 30. I was thinking of getting him a digital camera (bc he has a 5 yr old daugher and doesnt have a camera he uses his crappy cell phone) and taking him to the shooting range (he used to go all the time but hasnt since we started dating). I dont want to out do him on gifts though since my bday is this week if he didnt spend a lot of $$ I dont want him to feel bad and then I was just going to get him 30 lottery tickets (since he is turning 30 yrs old) and take him to the shooting range. Is that good??

A. These are all great ideas. I wish I had a girl friend like you.
My late wife got me a new .45 for my 35th birthday. i had one and she got me a custom piece that was reworked and very clean. We went together to the firing range on the Navy Base to try it out and I was impressed that she could shoot too.
Don't worry about what he spends on your B day. Tell him what ever he gets for you is plenty as long as he adds his love with it.
I think you should also have his daughter with you for his B day. Let him break in his new camera by taking some pics of you and his daughter together. This is a great bonding for you and her.





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