Need advice dealing with negative, toxic family members?

birthday gift ideas 22 year old female image

Nenita

I am a female in my early 20s. My issue is that some of my female family members are toxic. I'm sure a lot of people have this problem, but I need advice as to how to deal with them. Let me explain some of the stuff I'm dealing with so you can get a better idea. I have issues with 3 females, my mom, her older sister, and her older sisters daughter. I have other female aunts and cousins but they tend to keep to themselves and don't partake in drama. My moms sisters daughter, is almost twice my age, and has grown kids of her own. She used to smoke crack but shes been clean for a few years. She just hates me, plain and simple. She's not my favorite person, but I've tried being nice. I've bought her birthday gifts and went to her birthday party, etc. I am not entirely sure why she hates me, it started when I was a teenager. Frankly, I think she resents me and is envious of me. I don't want to sound conceited, but my life (so far) has gone much smoother and positive that hers did. I have no kids, I have a good relationship with my boyfriend, we have a nice apartment, and most recently I got signed to a reputable modeling agency in my area. It isn't a huge famous agency, but I'm still excited. But my cousin however, she had drug problems, she never started college because she got pregnant when she was 18 and kept having kids till age 37. She lives in the same house she moved into when she was 18, a house her dad payed for. She treats her husband and her kids badly, in my opinion. Anyways, you can tell she really doesn't like her life. So she takes it out on other people, like me. The last time we spoke, I was trying to leave my aunts house when she opened my car door, started screaming cuss words at me, saying that I am a little b*tch and everyone hates me, that I do not love my mother, and she just kept spouting off all this rude stuff. After yelling at her for a bit, I decided it wasn't worth it, and I drove off. It saddens me that a 40 year old acts like a 16 year old, to a 22 year old. Then there's her mother, my aunt. She doesn't really hate me, but she resents me a little as well, I think for similar reasons. Also, she is constantly making condescending and negative comments. She isn't as bad as her daughter, but she does seem to always feel the need to "be right" and prove people wrong. Especially ME, for some reason. You can tell by her statements that she is trying to make others feel inferior, whether she realizes it or not. It is never constructive criticism, its always a snide, smarta** remark. Her and my mom hang out together, so they gossip about people. In my opinion, my aunts negativity rubs off on my mom. My mom is already an emotional person, she lets EVERYTHING get to her. She is crying about something every day, she doesn't even understand what I mean when I tell her to think positive and remove the negative thoughts from her mind. She thinks I'm being mean and insensitive, and then she guilt trips me. When all I am trying to do, is get her to stay positive. Then when she gets together with my aunt, the drama and negativity just compounds. My moms emotional, co dependent nature latches onto my aunts controlling obsessive nature. I really feel like their relationship is toxic. So all of this, gets transferred to me in various ways. Whether its condescending, snide comments on Facebook from my aunt or cousin, or my mom calling me 3 times a day to cry about something, It is EXHAUSTING. How can I deal with this? I know I can't change them, so how can I change the way I deal with things so they wont effect me as much??

Answer
Just don't be around them more than you can help. When they say or do something mean to you, just smile and say, "I sorry you feel that way" or "I hope you feel better."
Unfriend on FB anyone who isn't friendly! Duh!
Be supportive of your mom by trying to get her in a better frame of mind. Give her positive thinking books to read. Refuse to listen to he being negative. Tell her to just write all her negative things down, tear up the paper, and flush it down the toilet of but it in the garbage. Help her plan a healthy life style also. Of course, if she want cooperate, you really can't do anything but keep being positive and telling her you hope she will get better.
Personally, I like "How's that working out for you?" for a questions that helps other redirect.
I also tell people i will pray for them and I do it. I am not sure whether they will accept the help they might get from that but it helps me.
Nobody can make you feel bad without your permission.

You change the way you deal with things by doing what you know is right. Dwell on what is beautiful and healthy. Exercise,eat, pray,and meditate in ways that work for you.
You can't stop the birds from flying over your head, but you don't have to let them nest in your hair, And if while flying over they happen to drop a little s--- on you, a nice shampoo will fix it.

My best friend turn's 40 this week (Female)I need idea's for a birthday gift?

Q. She is married and has a six year old. We've been friend's for 22 year's.

Answer
A spa day or a day at her beauty shop to get her hair done, nails, etc would be good.Most salons offer a package deal for things like that. A gift card to one of her favorite stores is always good too, that way you don't buy her anything she doesn't like and she can get what she wants, right size, color etc. A great card is a must have. She will like anything you give her because she will know that it came from your heart and your her best friend.Good luck!

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What are some gift ideas/gifts for a 22 yr old female?

birthday gift ideas 22 year old female image

Sara

My friends birthday is coming up and im not too sure what to get her. We live in the DC area so there are plenty of options. Last year I took her to the amusement park since it was our first summer here. We go to lunch and get pedicures and manicures regularly and we always just switch who pays so that wont really work either. She takes a ton of pictures so the ideas with photos of us have already happened. She loves shopping but pretty much has everything she needs including jewelry or body lotion products/perfume. I am thinking about doing a murder mystery dinner but dont really know where to find information on that. so any other ideas would be very helpful in case that falls through!! Thanks!!!

Answer
How about heated stone massages!! They are sooooooooo worth it! Me and my good friend just treated ourselves to them on mother's day.

Is this a healthy diet? How can I lose weight by birthday in a healthy manner?

Daniel

First, it would be very much appreciated if someone explained to me how is that I can lose weight if I eat more calories during the day than I burn when I work out. I am not that active but when I workout I go hard. I am a 253 pound 19 year old, about 6'2. About 7 months ago I went on a lifestyle change and dropped nearly 40 pounds going from 260 to 222. Happiest time of my life. Unfortunately it was I lifestyle I couldn't afford because I had other prioritized expenses. Once I stepped away from the best thing I have ever done for myself and was forced to abandon the healthy foods I would buy for myself and turn to the carb loaded foods my Mom makes, I lost control and most the weight I lost has glued right back on to me. It brought me down and made me unhappy and unmotivated. Finally getting up from the ground and giving it another fight I can afford it once again Thank God. Here's the problem. I am doing what worked tremendously for me in the past and I am having problems. I seem dysfunctional. I can't think properly and I'm always fatigued, exhausted, and have trouble getting up in the morning getting more than 8 hours of sleep at times. I write music and my lyrics come to me like smoothly and easily, but when I try shifting into my lifestyle change I can't write a single verse. I can't concentrate on anything and I'm just tired and unmotivated for the fun things I like to do, I'm just not myself. Now I keep pretty organized when it comes to my weight-loss routines, small weekly goals, writing down what I eat, aiming for six meals a day. I am not one of those obsessive people who do outrageous things attempting to burn 20 pounds overnight. I'm patient and understand it doesn't come over night or in a week, I understand it can take months to notice results. When I eat my Mothers food: rice, beans, a meat , a salad, and a side such as fries or so. Always that menu. Not the healthiest choices to lose weight. However: when I eat Mom's food, I am fully functional to 110%, I get all my errands done, I can think like a freaking genius, I am overloaded with energy and I feel good, not necessarily happy but I am in a good mood for the most part. I would really like to lose about 25 pounds by my birthday on June 29th, It would be the best gift I ever gave myself. I want to be happy and confident again. Can anyone answer my questions? Anyone have any good advice? and please actually answer the question instead of giving me links to things because they never seem to answer my question. Thanks

Answer
I definitely understand!

I started dieting recently (new years resolution) and have dropped 40lbs (i'm 22, female - and am now 158lbs) feeling great for it!

At the beginning, I was sluggish too. But after a few weeks, I actually had MORE energy. What you may find, is this lethargy will start to disappear. It is likely your body ridding itself of toxins and adjusting to this new diet.

Eating 6 small meals a day is excellent. Even heavier people only have a stomach the size of their fist - so eating large meals isn't a good idea for anyone. Smaller meals regularly provides your body with energy right throughout the day to keep you going.

I like how you said lifestyle change - because that is what it needs to be. Its can't be something temporary. At the same time, nobody will be perfect with their eating 100% of the time, so do allow treats - in moderation!

Could you perhaps be feeling tired because you are not drinking enough water?

Some foods can help you feel fuller for longer. Things like porridge, avocado, fish. I know avocado is seen as 'bad' but it isn't at all! Good fats burn bad fats, and avocado is a good fat. I have half an avocado a day (usually on salad) and i'm still losing weight :)

Another good energy food is walnuts. Just a handful. Full of omega-3 which is good for brain function! Same as salmon.

If you don't like eating fish, take some fish oil capsules. They will help keep your brain functioning, and they are also proven to help seratonin levels - which helps combat illnesses such as depression.

You can still eat stuff you love. Maybe your finding it difficult because your mums food tastes so much better than lettuce! So try to make things 'healthy'. I LOVE pizza. So when I really crave it, I make it on wholemeal pita bread with some low fat mozarella and loads of veges. I had that for dinner last night actually - lol :) Its important to enjoy what you eat, so mix it up and find ways to enjoy what you love.

Another important thing, is to eat one type of protein at each meal. If you eat 2 or more - its harder for your body to digest. So for example, have cheese OR meat in your sandwich, not both.

Good luck!

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