birthday gift ideas 36 year old man image
MichelleB
My 34 year old sister just had a baby today and I cannot be happy for her like I should. The reason is I suffer every day over my life situation. I am 36 years old and suffer every single day over not being able to live a "normal life" I have been involved in same sex relationships for almost 10 years and am with my current girlfriend for over 7 years. My parents and sister know about my girlfriend but no one has anything to do with her. It's like she doesn't exist. My mother doesn't talk about her other than criticize her for ruining her daughter's life. My father claims that he supports me but at the same time is not interested in getting to know her. I go to family functions alone at 36 years old. recently however, I have been avoiding family gatherings. I skipped out on Thanksgiving, mother's day, passover and my dad's and mom's birthday.
I was brought up in an orthodox jewish home and although I left orthodoxy, I cannot seem to undo its "damage". Orthodoxy believes that my purpose as a woman is to marry, have children and raise them according to the bible. I dated men in my 20's but have never felt an emotional connection to them.
Today, I cannot be happy because I torture myself with what I should be and what I should have, especially in comparison to my sister who grew up in the same home as I. My sister, who grew up in the same dysfunctional family as I did, was able to get married in June 2008, and have a baby. Now she has a family and I live all alone with my negative thoughts to haunt me. Now my parents are grandparents. She gave them that gift and all I give them is shame and embarrassment (by the way, my parents keep my lesbian relationship a secret from their own brothers and sisters!)
I have been going to therapy since 1996 but still suffer with confusion, low self esteem and jealousy.
Please help. I cannot take this anymore. I am so desperate.
Answer
I wish I could help - but if you're a lesbian, and you love your partner and she loves you (as seems clear since you've been together so long), then this is the primary relationship of your life, not your parents and sister. It's hard for families, especially religious ones of any stripe (let alone the conservative Jews, my own people, who have always seemed pretty daggone judgmental to me - especially the old guard!) to really accept a homosexual pairing. Discomfort, rather than rejection, is the cause for the vibe you're getting from them...i.e., they don't want to get to know her or understand her or you. It's awkward for them and hard to understand and accept.
If you and your partner, however, are in a solid relationship and you want to have children, why not start a family? Many lesbian couples do. If you two have kids, believe you me, grandma and grandpa will be only too delighted to love on them just like on your sister's baby. Alternately, you can adopt...or just wrench yourself away from the idea that motherhood and heterosexuality are "right" and DINKhood and homosexuality are flat wrong.
It's hard when our families don't approve of our lifestyles, but you're a grown woman with a loving home of your own, and that's what you should focus on. It's hard as hell to always be compared to your oh-so-amazing sibling and feel small as a result, right? I know I make my own sister feel this way sometimes, and I feel guilty because of it. But be your own person, embrace the rightness for YOU, and try to forget about the negative assessments of others. After all - it's your life, and it's too short to spend so unhappily. Counseling is a good idea, but smacking down those ideas that pop into your head whenever you think of yourself as a bad person or a worthless one is another great remedy. Good luck.
I wish I could help - but if you're a lesbian, and you love your partner and she loves you (as seems clear since you've been together so long), then this is the primary relationship of your life, not your parents and sister. It's hard for families, especially religious ones of any stripe (let alone the conservative Jews, my own people, who have always seemed pretty daggone judgmental to me - especially the old guard!) to really accept a homosexual pairing. Discomfort, rather than rejection, is the cause for the vibe you're getting from them...i.e., they don't want to get to know her or understand her or you. It's awkward for them and hard to understand and accept.
If you and your partner, however, are in a solid relationship and you want to have children, why not start a family? Many lesbian couples do. If you two have kids, believe you me, grandma and grandpa will be only too delighted to love on them just like on your sister's baby. Alternately, you can adopt...or just wrench yourself away from the idea that motherhood and heterosexuality are "right" and DINKhood and homosexuality are flat wrong.
It's hard when our families don't approve of our lifestyles, but you're a grown woman with a loving home of your own, and that's what you should focus on. It's hard as hell to always be compared to your oh-so-amazing sibling and feel small as a result, right? I know I make my own sister feel this way sometimes, and I feel guilty because of it. But be your own person, embrace the rightness for YOU, and try to forget about the negative assessments of others. After all - it's your life, and it's too short to spend so unhappily. Counseling is a good idea, but smacking down those ideas that pop into your head whenever you think of yourself as a bad person or a worthless one is another great remedy. Good luck.
What do you guys want for Christmas?
smileshine
I need ideas for gifts, and the reason I am asking in the R&S section is because people tend to answer more ..and I ask all my questions here.
the happy atheist- I'm sorry your girlfriend won't have sex with you.
Tyler j-let loose a little man, Christmas can be whatever you want it to be. Not everything has to be an argument.
Answer
I dont celebrate christmas because of what it really meens here some info on it:
CHRISTMASâSUN WORSHIP RENAMED
The Bible makes no mention of a birthday celebration for Jesus. In fact, his exact birth date is unknown. We can be sure, though, that he was not born on December 25 in the cold of winter in that part of the world. For one thing, Luke recorded that when Jesus was born, âshepherds [were] living out of doorsâ minding their flocks. (Luke 2:8-11) If âliving out of doorsâ had been their habit year round, that would not have been noteworthy. However, because Bethlehem is subject to cold rains and snow, flocks were wintered under cover and shepherds would not have been âliving out of doors.â Additionally, Joseph and Mary went to Bethlehem because Caesar Augustus had ordered a census. (Luke 2:1-7) It is highly unlikely that Caesar would have commanded a people who were resentful of Roman rule to travel to their ancestral cities in the dead of winter.
The roots of Christmas are found, not in Scripture, but in ancient pagan festivals, such as the Roman Saturnalia, a celebration dedicated to Saturn, the god of agriculture. Likewise, according to their reckoning, devotees of the god Mithra celebrated December 25 as the âbirthday of the invincible sun,â says the New Catholic Encyclopedia. âChristmas originated at a time when the cult of the sun was particularly strong at Rome,â about three centuries after the death of Christ.
During their celebrations, pagans exchanged gifts and feastedâpractices that Christmas preserved. As is also true today, however, much Christmas giving was not in the spirit of 2Â Corinthians 9:7, which reads: âLet each one do just as he has resolved in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.â True Christians give out of love, their giving is not tied to a date, and they expect no gifts in return. (Luke 14:12-14; Acts 20:35) Moreover, they deeply appreciate being set free from the Christmas frenzy and relieved of the heavy yoke of financial debt that many incur at that time of year.âMatthew 11:28-30; John 8:32.
But, some may argue, did not the astrologers present birthday gifts to Jesus? No. Their gift-giving was simply a way of paying their respects to a person of note, a common custom in Bible times. (1 Kings 10:1, 2, 10, 13; Matthew 2:2, 11) In fact, they did not even come on the night that Jesus was born. Jesus was, not a babe in a manger, but many months old and living in a house when they arrived.
BIBLICAL LIGHT ON BIRTHDAYS
Even though the birth of a baby has always been a cause for much joy, the Bible makes no reference to a birthday celebration for a servant of God. (Psalm 127:3) Was this simply an oversight? No, for two birthday celebrations are mentionedâthat of a Pharaoh of Egypt and that of Herod Antipas. (Genesis 40:20-22; Mark 6:21-29) Both events, however, are presented in a bad lightâespecially the latter, which saw John the Baptizer beheaded.
"The early Christians,â notes The World Book Encyclopedia, âconsidered the celebration of anyoneâs birth to be a pagan custom.â The ancient Greeks, for instance, believed that each person had a protective spirit that attended the personâs birth and thereafter watched over him. That spirit âhad a mystic relation with the god on whose birthday the individual was born,â says the book The Lore of Birthdays. Birthdays also have a long-standing and an intimate link with astrology and the horoscope.
Besides rejecting birthday customs on account of pagan and spiritistic roots, Godâs servants of old likely rejected them on principle as well. Why? These were humble, modest men and women who did not view their arrival in the world as so important that it should be celebrated. (Micah 6:8; Luke 9:48) Rather, they glorified Jehovah and thanked him for the precious gift of life.âPsalm 8:3, 4; 36:9; Revelation 4:11.
At death, all integrity-keepers are safe in Godâs memory, and their future life is guaranteed. (Job 14:14, 15) Says Ecclesiastes 7:1: âA name is better than good oil, and the day of death than the day of oneâs being born.â Our ânameâ is the good reputation we have gained with God through faithful service. Significantly, the only commemoration commanded for Christians involves, not a birth, but a deathâthat of Jesus, whose excellent ânameâ is the key to our salvation.âLuke 22:17-20; Hebrews 1:3, 4.
I dont celebrate christmas because of what it really meens here some info on it:
CHRISTMASâSUN WORSHIP RENAMED
The Bible makes no mention of a birthday celebration for Jesus. In fact, his exact birth date is unknown. We can be sure, though, that he was not born on December 25 in the cold of winter in that part of the world. For one thing, Luke recorded that when Jesus was born, âshepherds [were] living out of doorsâ minding their flocks. (Luke 2:8-11) If âliving out of doorsâ had been their habit year round, that would not have been noteworthy. However, because Bethlehem is subject to cold rains and snow, flocks were wintered under cover and shepherds would not have been âliving out of doors.â Additionally, Joseph and Mary went to Bethlehem because Caesar Augustus had ordered a census. (Luke 2:1-7) It is highly unlikely that Caesar would have commanded a people who were resentful of Roman rule to travel to their ancestral cities in the dead of winter.
The roots of Christmas are found, not in Scripture, but in ancient pagan festivals, such as the Roman Saturnalia, a celebration dedicated to Saturn, the god of agriculture. Likewise, according to their reckoning, devotees of the god Mithra celebrated December 25 as the âbirthday of the invincible sun,â says the New Catholic Encyclopedia. âChristmas originated at a time when the cult of the sun was particularly strong at Rome,â about three centuries after the death of Christ.
During their celebrations, pagans exchanged gifts and feastedâpractices that Christmas preserved. As is also true today, however, much Christmas giving was not in the spirit of 2Â Corinthians 9:7, which reads: âLet each one do just as he has resolved in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.â True Christians give out of love, their giving is not tied to a date, and they expect no gifts in return. (Luke 14:12-14; Acts 20:35) Moreover, they deeply appreciate being set free from the Christmas frenzy and relieved of the heavy yoke of financial debt that many incur at that time of year.âMatthew 11:28-30; John 8:32.
But, some may argue, did not the astrologers present birthday gifts to Jesus? No. Their gift-giving was simply a way of paying their respects to a person of note, a common custom in Bible times. (1 Kings 10:1, 2, 10, 13; Matthew 2:2, 11) In fact, they did not even come on the night that Jesus was born. Jesus was, not a babe in a manger, but many months old and living in a house when they arrived.
BIBLICAL LIGHT ON BIRTHDAYS
Even though the birth of a baby has always been a cause for much joy, the Bible makes no reference to a birthday celebration for a servant of God. (Psalm 127:3) Was this simply an oversight? No, for two birthday celebrations are mentionedâthat of a Pharaoh of Egypt and that of Herod Antipas. (Genesis 40:20-22; Mark 6:21-29) Both events, however, are presented in a bad lightâespecially the latter, which saw John the Baptizer beheaded.
"The early Christians,â notes The World Book Encyclopedia, âconsidered the celebration of anyoneâs birth to be a pagan custom.â The ancient Greeks, for instance, believed that each person had a protective spirit that attended the personâs birth and thereafter watched over him. That spirit âhad a mystic relation with the god on whose birthday the individual was born,â says the book The Lore of Birthdays. Birthdays also have a long-standing and an intimate link with astrology and the horoscope.
Besides rejecting birthday customs on account of pagan and spiritistic roots, Godâs servants of old likely rejected them on principle as well. Why? These were humble, modest men and women who did not view their arrival in the world as so important that it should be celebrated. (Micah 6:8; Luke 9:48) Rather, they glorified Jehovah and thanked him for the precious gift of life.âPsalm 8:3, 4; 36:9; Revelation 4:11.
At death, all integrity-keepers are safe in Godâs memory, and their future life is guaranteed. (Job 14:14, 15) Says Ecclesiastes 7:1: âA name is better than good oil, and the day of death than the day of oneâs being born.â Our ânameâ is the good reputation we have gained with God through faithful service. Significantly, the only commemoration commanded for Christians involves, not a birth, but a deathâthat of Jesus, whose excellent ânameâ is the key to our salvation.âLuke 22:17-20; Hebrews 1:3, 4.
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