Help!! My wife is blaming me for all of our problems and has treated me poorly for years...?

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Aaron C

Ok, here's the situation. I love my wife and our children (ages 6 and 3), but she's really pushing me over the edge. I am constantly blamed for our problems and I don't really know what to do anymore. We've been married for over 7 years and have been together for over 10 yrs. Our first year together was pretty good, but then things started going south quickly. She started giving me ultimatums (for example, "if we're not engaged by the time I graduate college, I can't be with you"), starting fights about every little thing nearly every night after she finished work, etc. I was not your typical jerk guy who flirted with other girls, partied a lot, or anything like that. She literally had no reason to be mad at me, yet she always was. Long story short, she got pregnant about 2 and 1/2 years into our relationship, we got married, and my life's been very difficult ever since. I know it's my fault for not ending the relationship sooner, but for some unknown reason I'm deeply in love with this woman. Now we have 2 kids and I can't imagine my life without them every day.

Fast forward to 2010, and we have a ton of issues. We got in another HUGE fight last night over some very insignificant things:

A) She was mad because I stayed in the car while she went into Hallmark to buy her friend a birthday gift. I knew she was only going to be 5 minutes or so, because we were on our way to a restaurant where we had reservations. I had no desire to go into Hallmark, so I told her I would just stay in the car. She responded with her typical "whatever" comment and slammed the door. She brought this up last night and said she believes I don't want to be seen in public with her, which is SO not true. I don't even know where she got that idea.

B) We were trying to decide which bar we would visit after dinner. There's a specific bar where all my old buddies for high school hang out (the ones who never did anything with their lives), and I told her I wanted to avoid that one. I cracked a joke about "not wanting to run into any high school ex girlfriends tonight" and she became livid. She brought this up last night, too. I told her it was a joke and she really shouldn't be so insecure, especially since we graduated from HS over 10 years ago.

C) I have bought my wife flowers on numerous occasions throughout our relationship. I usually go by the store and pick them up myself on my way home from work. I try to do this every few months. One time, I ordered flowers for her on Mother's Day and had them delivered to her job. They apparently didn't look as good as they did in the online photo, and she threw a bloody fit. I will never forget that day. Last night, she brought up the fact that I don't order her flowers from florists and have them delivered, and I reminded her exactly why I don't do that. Again, she got really angry and basically said I don't buy her flowers enough, and when I do, they're not from an expensive enough place.

She says I don't show her enough affection, but it's really hard when I feel like I'm mistreated most of the time. I know it's a vicious cycle and we're both at fault for a number of things, but I don't know how to make it stop. We've been to marriage counseling and that didn't work... she actually still holds a grudge against our counselor because she felt like she was being "picked on" the whole time and she wouldn't accept the fact that she's to blame for most of this. I'm not an aggressive type of person or an angry, high-strung person at all. Most of my friends and family agree that I'm just a nice, quiet guy who doesn't get upset or stressed easily, but my wife brings out the worst in me....

Is there anyone out there in a similar situation that can offer some advice?? I really don't want to leave my wife and kids, but it's getting to the point where I'm becoming very depressed and feeling hopeless.

Answer
You don't want to leave your wife or kids, but can't you see you need to do something drastic in order to force her to make a change. Thus far she has ignored the fact that she is mistreating you. My heart goes out to you. She may be a good woman but is caught up in being critical and demanding as a way to et what she wants from you. She needs to get back on the right path and this will only happen when she gets a wake up call. Why not talk to her and tell her how you feel. Then tell her if she is not willing to work with you to change that you are leaving. This does not necessarily mean a divorce, it means you are sending a message to her that you will no longer put up with being mistreated. So far you have stayed and taken it. She feels no need to change as you have shown her you will tolerate this. Suggest counselling with another counselor. If she refuses then it is time to man up and stop allowing her to step all over you. Nice guys like you are so often taken for granted that it kills me to see a well intended woman do all the things to make his life miserable and she ends up losing him. I sure wish you all the best.

looking for good gift.?

brazelt

ok my sister in law, my brothers wife, just found out she's pregnant and her birthdays coming up, its march 2, and I need to find her I great gift. shes turning 23. I thought about getting her some maternity clothes but couldnt find a good store. she wears plus size clothing so its a little harder. If anybody knows a good plus size maternity store, or another good gift idea then pls help. no baby clothes....!

Answer
My friend recently found out she is pregnant. It wasn't her birthday but I bought her a Pregnancy Journal they sell them at The Hallmark Store and other book stores. They are really cute, you can put pictures of your belly, dreams for the baby and other things. You fill in the questions its not a blank journal. She loved it. Just an idea though.

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